


John Egbert Is Not A Homosexual

by Kiss_The_Karkitty



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Bad movies, Fluff, Gayness, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kisukisu, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-18
Updated: 2014-11-18
Packaged: 2018-02-26 03:17:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2636054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kiss_The_Karkitty/pseuds/Kiss_The_Karkitty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>John touches Karkat's horns when he won't tell him something. Little does he know, they're very sensitive items...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

John sighed contentedly and slumped further into the couch. He glanced sideways at the troll sitting next to him. 

"I'm getting kind of bored Karkat" he complained, and buried his face in the boy's shoulder. 

"You picked this fucking movie, suck it up fuckface, we're finishing it" Karkat huffed and looked at the screen, his boredom matching John's. "you can't half ass everything" 

John rolled his eyes and blushed slightly when he felt Karkat's arm tighten around his small waist. He snuggled into the unmistakable heat of the teenager next to him. One of Karkat's clawed hands moved to his stomach and gently felt up the subtle abs there. John had to admit being touched there felt nice, but he tensed up and automatically sunk away from Kar's hand. 

"K-Karkat..." He said, a note of warning in his voice. The troll immediately removed his arm. 

"Yeah yeah, I know, you're not gay" he said, blushing slightly. "That doesn't mean I can't be" he said, a small smirk on his grey lips. 

John sat there for a minute, silently contemplating how cold his side felt without the troll's comforting heat. 

"Y-you can put your arm back" he mumbled so softly he was surprised when Kar's arm was replaced, tightening itself around his tiny waist. He whispered so quietly, it was a miracle Karkat heard him "and I don't know, I could be a homosexual maybe, but probably not" he blushed so heavily when Karkat looked at him sceptically. 

"You? Into guys?" He asked, a hint if a snarl in his tone. John only blushed harder. 

"Yeah, okay? Is that so hard to believe?" John looked hurt. 

"N-no, it's just that I really l-" Karkat cut himself off. "You know, never mind. We're missing the movie" he finished, confusing the hell out of John. 

"No, what were you going to say?" John pressed. Karkat glared daggers at him. 

"I said never mind, you incompetent fuckass" he snapped, but John wouldn't let it go. 

"No, Kar, tell me" he said, shifting his position so he was sitting in the trolls lap, even though the boy was taller than him. 

"Fuck no" Vantas answered, but one of his hands glided up to John's hip, keeping him in place. 

"Oh come on" he said, teasingly pulling his pale hands through Karkat's messy black hair. His fingers came dangerously close to brushing against the horns, Karkat stiffened. 

"No, and don't you dare lay a finger on the horns" he snarled warningly, but John brushed it off, one hand hovering over the candy corn coloured horn. 

"Tell me, or I'll touch your horns" he said simply, smirking.

"You wouldn't" The troll tested him. "You know I can't control myself if their touched" he reminded him. 

"I'll do it" John said stubbornly. 

"You better not" 

"Watch me" John curled his fingers around Kar's horn and rubbed it gently. Karkat let out an extremely embarrassing sound, somewhere between a gasp and a moan. 

"J-John... I-I can't be held resp-responsible... For anything... I do..." He said shakily, his voice clouded with what John didn't know was pleasure. 

The boy bent Kar's head down and heavily licked one of them, earning himself a shaky moan. "Now tell me, what were you going to say?" He said warningly, lightly staving his teeth over the most sensitive place on Karkat's body. The troll shuddered underneath him. 

Karkat pulled John's face close to his, their noses brushing together. A light dusting of red graced Karkat's face, the thin layer of colour suiting him very well. "Hell no" he whispered before their lips brushed together, John wasn't sure who made the move, it was like they both went for each other at the same moment. 

It started out sweet, just a series of pecks and just lips pressing against lips. After the fifth or so short and sweet kiss, John pulled away and pushed a finger against Kar's lips when he tried to lean up and steal another kiss. 

"Karkat... What was that?" He asked hesitantly. 

"I-I don't know..." The troll answered, moving his lips against the pad of John's thumb, and for the first time he couldn't clearly put his feelings for John in a quadrant. 

"I don't either... But I really want to kiss you again" John moved his thumb away slowly, almost as is he was waiting for permission to lock their lips again. 

"Then shut up and kiss me, you idiot." John leaned forward and kissed Karkat again, he hand subconsciously tightened around a horn, causing the unmistakable sound of purring to erupt from Karkat. 

"Hehe" John chuckled softly between kisses. 

"What the fuck are you laughing at" John's dark hair was yanked on by Karkat, who was now glaring and purring at the same time. 

"You're making that sound again, it's like you're purring!" He giggled, not intimidated at all by Karkat's expression. 

"Shut up" the cancer growled and shoved John over, he was rough but also careful that the boy didn't hit his head on the floor. Their mouths met again and this time so did their hips, Karkat gently grinding into him. 

John moaned into Karkat's mouth, slightly parting his lips and the troll took the opportunity wrap their tongues together. Yellow claws gripped at the waist of the boy's skinny jeans, tugging at them to roughly shove their hips together. 

The blue eyed boy let out a breathy moan when Karkat leaned down and started sucking on his neck. He laced his fingers in with Karkat's messy black hair and held his mouth in place, the skilled tongue sending pleasure through his body he never knew he could feel. 

"What the hell man?" John was suddenly snapped out of his world of Karkat and pleasure when his best friend's voice met his ears. He looked up to see none other than Dave Strider standing in front of him, looking annoyed and slightly disgusted. 

"D-Dave!" John exclaimed, wishing that Karkat would stop sucking his neck for a second to see that they had a visitor. 

"Oh my god you guys are so gross" he said simply, he grabbed a box of apple juice from the counter and took a long sip, not that John or Karkat noticed.

"Fuck off Dave" the troll growled and pushed up John's shirt, his mouth now covering a nipple and sucking gently, humiliating John. 

"D-Dave... Leave... I-I'm aaa-aahh, Karkat..." John interrupted himself with loud embarrassing moans. 

"I'm gone, I'm gone" Dave threw his hands in the air and walked out, leaving Karkat to ravish the boy. 

Not that John minded.


	2. Cats don't leave hickeys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A few weeks later, Karkat pretends not to remember. 
> 
> Bad move.

A few weeks or so later John sat on Karkat's bed, he was simply enjoying watching the troll type heated messages into computer. He shifted his legs underneath him so he was sitting pretzel style. he leaned up to try to see what Karkat was typing. It was kind of cute how his cheeks turned flushed when he was angry at something. The thin layer of colour coating his cheeks reminded him of the colour they were when he was on top of John, every time they pulled away from a kiss. 

John shivered at the thought and decided to get up to use the bathroom. 

Something was eating at him, within a few days of their little sex fest, Karkat had completely disregarded everything that had happened, and it was really starting to piss off John. Which was something only Dave Strider had accomplished. 

Had all of the been completely meaningless? I couldn't have been, they had gone too far for it to have been just a one night stand. Yet unbelievably, somehow their relationship had slipped back into the platonic friendship it had been for years. Was this normal for trolls? Do they randomly have sex with their friends and then just pretend it never happened? What did the night even mean to Karkat? 

John ran his hands through his hair and signed. He stared at the reflection in the mirror and pulled the next of his tshirt down to reveal a series of hickeys and bite wounds. He giggle softly to himself when he remembered Bro asking what had happened when he was at Dave's house. 

He slipped easily back into the memory. 

"What happened John? Your neck looks awful." Dirk strider had leaned over and brushed his fingers across all the small wounds. 

"Um, you see mr Strider, Sir, um" the boy stuttered, blushing furiously. 

"He was attacked by a cat" Dave finished for him. Karkat would have murdered Dave if he knew he had called him a cat or made any kind of connection between the two. Dirk only started laughing. 

"Sure sure" he said, sarcasm lacing his voice. "It was that Karkat kid wasn't it?" He asked, grinning smugly. Colour erupted onto John's face. 

"H-how did you-" he stuttered. Dirk patted his back with a large hand and laughed again. 

"Cats don't leave hickeys, dumbass. And anyway, that Vantas kid has been trying to get in your pants since day one. I'm surprised this hasn't happened sooner" the tall boy wouldn't stop smiling knowingly.

Dave looked like was about to gag "I walked in on them getting nasty on the floor" he said, John paled. 

"Sh-shut up!!" The blue eyed teen looked like he was going to pass out. 

And that's exactly how he looked now, standing in front of Karkat's bathroom mirror. His hair and glasses contrasted with his now ghostly skin. He ran a hand through his hair and let out a huff. He was going to confront Karkat about this. 

"Hey man, are you okay?" He whirled around to see a certain troll standing behind him. 

"Um, yeah I guess" he said. This was not the plan, he was going to walk out of the bathroom all confident, he was going to confront the boy angrily, because no matter how much he wanted to deny it, that night with Karkat was amazing. And it wasn't just the sex, he realised how much he felt for the troll. 

"We need to talk" he managed to say, a blush returning to his face. 

"Okay" Karkat agreed, almost skeptical. "What about?" He leaned back against the bathroom counter. 

"Us" John said quietly. "About what happened a few weeks ago" he started. "Did it mean anything to you?" Karkat blushed furiously, he obviously remembered exactly what he was talking about. 

"I-I don't remember anything out of the ordinary from a few weeks ago" bullshit. Complete and utter bullshit. This pissed John off even more, Karkat was lying, and that's not something humans take to kindly. 

"Really? You don't remember?" John asked, his voice wavering. It hurt not than anything else, sure he was pissed, but Karkat really that ashamed of what they'd done?

The look that John had on killed Karkat, his bright blue eyes usually had a touch of sadness around the corners, but nothing like this before. He looked like he was going to cry, and it wasn't pathetic. 

"John, look-" he started but was cut off. 

"No, Karkat stop, if you're that ashamed of me I'll just leave. I'm spending the night at Dave's house." Karkat was too shocked to speak when John slammed the apartment door with a loud bang. 

He sank to the floor and ran his hands through his hair, starting to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry you had to endure reading that... Maybe one day my writing will get better.


	3. Dirk Strider and other surprises

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John spends the night at Dave's house.

John shivered and pulled his blue scarf tighter around him. The cold air bit at his skin when he walked out of Karkat's apartment building. He didn't look up from his phone, he needed to let Dave know he was coming over. 

(TG): are you okay man?   
(EB): no, no I'm really not, I need to stay at your place tonight   
(TG): yeah that's cool but what happened with Karkitty?   
(TG): I bet he's bein a little titty  
(TG): asshole can't handle us  
(TG): bitch we're too scandalous   
(EB): very funny, but I'm not in the mood right now. 

John flicked his phone closed and drove to Dave's house. He was greeted by a tall blonde man. 

"H-hi Mr. Strider, I'm s-" his apology was interrupted but Dirk pulling him into a hug. Instead of awkwardly trying to push away, he clutched at Dave's brother's jacket. 

"Hey there little man, heard someone fucked you up a little" he said as close to soothingly as he could get. John felt himself start crying, and this time he didn't try to stop it. He was with his two favourite people. 

He continued his weak sobs into Dirk's probably silk jacket until Dave also came to the doorway and put a gently hand on John's quivering shoulder. 

"Hey man it's gonna be okay" he said, sounding almost exactly like his brother. "Come on in" they both pulled John into their house and sat him down at the poor excuse for a dinner table, the bar in the kitchen. 

"You wanna tell us what happened?" Dirk asked slowly, after Dave poured him a glass of apple juice. 

"K-Karkat lied to me" he managed to speak out. Dave threw his brother a confused look, but they pressed on. 

"He lied to you?" Dave asked hesitantly. 

"He told me he didn't remember what happened last week" John clarified for them. 

"Oh, you mean when he had his weird tentacle dick up your ass" dave said bluntly causing John and Dirk to blush. 

"Woah little man, language" Dirk was still blushing, John wondered if the tall man had a relationship with one if the trolls.

"Whatever, you guys like your weird troll bulge, but why'd he kick you out Egbert?" 

"He didn't" John supplied, a hint of regret in his voice. 

"Then why are you here? Not like you're not welcome or anything" he added. 

"I ran away" he admitted, putting his head down in his arms. Dirk looked nervously at Dave and pulled him aside. 

"Bro what do you want?" Dave shrugged his hand off his shoulder. 

"Hey you realise the Vantas kid is exactly the sort of kid to go slashing his wrists over something like this?" He whispered urgently. Dave's eyes widened beneath his shades. 

"Oh shit man, he really is. We need to get Terezi over there it some shit" he was already starting to pull out his phone. He dialled up Terezi, only to have the raspy voice answer with a rushed explanation about how she didn't know how to get Karkat to stop breaking things. 

Dave smiled and hung up. "He's fine, Terezi's already over there" Dirk saw John's shoulders relax. He was worried about the troll. 

This was love if Dirk had ever seen it. 

"Anyway, John we should get you to bed" before the small boy could protest, Dirk lifted him into his strong arms and carried him into Dave's bedroom. John wouldn't have protested if he could, he slumped in Dirk's arms and buried his face in the tall man's neck. Bro was like the cool ironic father John never had. 

"Hey little man, it's all gonna be okay" Dirk whispered, setting him down on the bed and leaving dave there with him. 

After Dirk shut the door, Dave sighed. "You really scared him you know" he said, barely loud enough for John to hear. 

"What do you mean?" John asked quietly. 

"Dirk really cares about you man, you had him really scared when you texted me" Dave explained. His tone was worried, not angry. 

"Oh, I'm really sorry, I never meant to-" he was cut off by Dave's finger against his lips. 

"Shut up, Karkat's the one who should apologise" he said, John felt the urge to laugh. 

"Thanks man" he said softy, his voice losing some of its heaviness. 

"Get your ass in bed" he said, shrugging off the gesture cooly. 

They both climbed into Dave's twin bed, the two thin boys fit just fine without having to press together, but they did anyways. Dave's heat was nice against John's back and it made him forget about Karkat for a second. 

Outside in the living room, Dirk sat and took off his sunglasses. He ran a hand through his snowy hair and slipped through channels on the television until he heard John's phone buzz. He wasn't able to help himself, he picked it up off the counter and read the messages. 

(CG) I was going to say I love you 

Dirk's ruby eyes widened at the words, confusion taking over his features. He was about to wake up Dave an ask him if he knew what Karkat was talking about when the small device buzzed again. 

(CG): that night when we, you know... You grabbed my horns because I was being an ass and would tell you something.   
(CG): I was going to tell you I love you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uhg, sorry again. I really love Dirk if you can't tell.


	4. Tissues, Terezi and text messages

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Terezi comes to see what's wrong with little Karkles.

When Terezi unlocked the door to the apartment, the first thing that hit her was the overwhelming smell of despair. 

"Vantas?" She asked softly, hearing gentle sobs in the corner of the room. She had gotten a weird text from Eridan, who claimed to see an almost crying John Egbert walking up to Dave's house, and naturally had known of John's plans to spend the night at Karkat's. what was the logical thing to do in this situation? Call Terezi. 

"Go away Terezi" Karkat's voice was cracked and heart broken. 

She completely disregarded him and strolled across the room to where the voice was. She found him sitting on the floor surrounded by tissues and the one picture of John in his possession. 

"I thought I said go away" he said again, but he reached a hand out and pulled her down onto the floor with him. 

"What happened here?" she asked calmly, patting him on the back. He clutched at her shoulders. 

"I'm the biggest shitheaded dumbass in the universe" he croaked out. Terezi smiled knowingly. 

"Why do you think that?" She asked, actually interested as to just what happened. 

"I'm in love with John" he admitted. "And I just fucked everything up" the pain showed through his voice and shaking shoulders. 

Karkat shivered when his words sank in, he had just told his best friend that he was in love with John. Was that even true? Karkat figured that if you loved someone, you wouldn't hurt them, and the looked that John gave him as he walked out his door was so pained, so heartbroken. 

"What did you do?" Terezi asked hesitantly, not wanting to excited him. He had the tendency of getting very physical when he was upset. 

Not to anyone's surprise, he sprung up and kicked over what sounded like a small waste bin full of papers. "I fucked it all up Terezi! He asked me about that night and I got so nervous I fucking pretended not to remember" he ran his hands through his hair as tears began running down his steely cheeks again. 

"Hey, Karkat, don't worry" she ran a hand soothingly down his back, feeling how his tiny stature was shaking. "Why don't you just try to explain this to me from the beginning" she said slowly, guiding him over to his bed so he could sit down. 

"Um, well John and I were watching some dumbass movie he picked out, and somehow we got into the topic of being, you know, gay." He said, starting to calm down. 

"Wait, Karkat I have a question" she asked quickly. He looked up at her with puffy red eyes. 

"Yeah?" 

"Um, how exactly do I put this" She hesitated. 

"Just ask, it's okay" he said, finally his voice seemed back to normal. 

"You're... Gay, right?" She asked carefully. Karkat rolled his eyes. 

"No shit Terezi, yeah I'm gay. I thought you knew that" he sneered. 

"Well I was just making sure, go on" she urged him off the topic. 

"Well, anyways we were talking about gay stuff and I was being a complete dumbass and almost told I was in love with him, because you know he said he liked guys and for a second I thought I could have a chance with him but then I thought better of it so I didn't finish my fucking sentence and that fuckass John just had to know what I was gonna say" he said quickly. 

"And?" Terezi pressed on. 

"Well, I really didn't want to tell him, because he obviously didn't love me back, and um, he touched my horns and then we were kissing and it just went up from there" he explained, red spreading across his face. 

"You mean... You and John..." She said slowly. 

"Had sex. I did it with John." He said bluntly. 

"Oh um okay" she said slowly, trying to process what had happened. 

"But anyways, later that week he started texting me these super awkward things, like one day he texted me about how nice the weather was and it was storming outside. Anyway, we got here, I asked him to sleep over and he said he would and tonight I really wanted to tell him how I felt, you know? Make it official. But then when he asked about the other night-" 

"When you pounded his ass so hard he could hardly walk the next day" she said far from teasingly, the shit eating grin back on her face. 

"John couldn't walk?" Karkat cut in, looking at the girl siting next to him strangely. "Damn, I didn't think I went that hard..."

"My lovely little Rose told me he was limping at school" she interjected. 

"Gog... Anyway, he asked about when I fucked him and I don't know what happened, I just... I panicked." He ran his hands through his messy hair again and sighed. "I don't know what to do, I get so close to something good and I just fuck it all up" 

"Text him" she said simply, tossing the small cell phone into Karkat's lap. "Tell him how you feel" Terezi urged. 

"Fine" he grumbled and flipped open his phone. 

When he was done typing, he read it aloud to Terezi. 

"How was that?" He asked hesitantly. 

"Perfect"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk why this took me so long to come out with, I promise more romance next chapter. 
> 
> ~ Madeline


	5. Stridercest and other fun things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which John gets some texts.

John Egbert pushed through the crowds at the bus station, not really caring about the people he accidentally pissed off, he just needed to get to Karkat. 

He had woken up with his legs entangled with Dave's, something he used to by now but pushed him away. Anyone else touching him except for Karkat felt wrong now. 

"Bro, what the hell" Dave muttered, his eyes fluttering open slowly, in a flash of ruby. John was a little surprised at how handsome Dave could still be even when he was obviously over tired. Small lines ran under his pricing red eyes, and the secret line of freckles seemed more prominent over the bridge of his nose. It was almost mesmerising how nice his eyes were, the stark black and scarlet against creamy white. 

John handed Dave his sunglasses and looked away. "Thanks man" he said sleepily and tried to grab John back down onto the bed with him to snuggle. John pulled his arm away and got up, well you of the boy's reach. 

"Sorry" John quickly apologised. 

"What wrong?" Dave looked a little hurt, but it was hard to tell through the shades.,

"I just- it feels wrong if its not Karkat" he said really quietly, barely loud enough for Dave to hear.,

"Oh I get it, yeah that makes sense" Dave said, trying to be understanding but really he missed cuddling with his friend. 

"How does it make sense?" John blushed slightly, already knowing what the blonde was referring to. 

"You're in love with him, it's obvious" Dave smirked. 

"Oh" John agreed softly, "yeah, I am-" he was about to sigh again when Dirk cleared his throat. 

"Oh! Mr. Strider! Hi" John straightened up, his electric blue eyes flashing open.

"Chill little man" he said as Dave made his was across the room to link his arms around Dirk's neck. 

"Dave" the taller strider half whispered warningly at the teenager. "We have a guest" the skin showing under his shades was tinted red. 

"John doesn't care" Dave laced his fingers in with his brother's hair and tugged his head down into a kiss.

"Mmmf... Dave stop it" Dirk pushed him off but his smirk promised more action after John left. "It's not my fault you get super horny in the morning" John felt his face heat up. 

"Um, should I leave you guys alone?" He asked quietly. Dirk seemed to remember something. 

"Oh, no John stay here I have something to show you" Dirk smiled, and any lust he held at the previous moment had disappeared. 

"Oh yeah?" John asked hesitantly, he watched Dirk fumbled take a cell phone out of his pocket because of Dave's insistent kissing at his neck. 

"This is yours" he tossed it across the room to John, who fumbled with it for a second before recognising it as his own. Dirk turned back to Dave and cupped his pale face, bringing their lips together. John pretended to not find that incredibly hot. 

"Karkat was texting me?" He asked, flipping it open and scanning the texts, a soft surprised sound left his lips. "Oh" 

"What?" Dave detached his mouth from his brother's to lean over John's shoulder and read the texts. "Oh, woah John you have to go get him"

John was out the door before he heard the end of that sentence. 

So that was how he ended up here, a steaming cup of coffee in his hands, pushing through the large crowds to get to the station. 

~

Karkat placed a clawed hand on his doorknob and backed away surprised when the cool metal twisted under his hand. The door was thrust open towards the troll and standing there was none other than John Egbert. 

"John look, I'm rea- Mmf" he was cut off by John grabbing his face and pushing his lips into Karkat's. 

The troll processed what had happened and placed a shaking hand on John's pale neck. The kiss was terribly sweet, both boys pouting and their emotions into it. 

John pulled away but Karkat didn't take his hand away. 

"I love you John" he said quickly, his hands tangling in with the boy's raven locks and pulling their mouth's together again. 

John started laughing again, disrupting the kiss. "Haha... Karkat you have to let me talk after saying something like that!" He laughed again when Karkat glared at him. 

This boy was truly adorable. His bright blue eyes twinkling, his freckled face flushing a soft red. A strand of his midnight black hair lay almost in his eyes. 

"I love you too Karkat"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, I have a thing for Stridercest if you can't tell.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one out of I'm not sure how many, the next update should come out pretty soon, I don't have much of a life.


End file.
